A Blog For Criminals
Cop blogs don’t pay so I was wondering if a criminal blog might. They probably already exist but who better, to teach the proper way to commit a crime than a cop. Also the Suzie Ivy Bloww Dryer© has not quite caught on.
To begin, I need a working blog title. Here are a few:
Robbing Banks the Right Way
How To Kill Your Husband in 10 Simple Steps
Smash and Grab the Big Stuff
Meth Addiction Made Easy
How To Go To Jail For 30 Days or Less
Cops and Rubbers (I’m the expert on this one)
Fifty Shades of Fraud
Keep This From Happening To You (this would be the blog logo)
I’ve checked and these titles are available on WordPress.
I believe education is the key. I was also thinking about the possibility of an advice column. Working title…
Crime Does Pay – Just Ask Suzie
Dear Suzie… (This would be kind of like Dear Abby meets Hannibal Lector)
I see newspapers syndicating me across the country. Just think how much their readership would increase. Contact: suzieivy at gmail dot com if you run a large media conglomerate.
Free Crime Tips of the Week:
Tape the drugs to your balls. Seriously we probably won’t find them
If you run, keep going. Most criminals return home. I stopped chasing these dummies a long time ago.
Never commit a crime on an empty stomach; cops don’t go after criminals until they’ve had a good meal
Use your siblings name and date of birth. The same gender is helpful but not required.
Never say you’ve only had two beers always say three.
You have the right to remain silent. Everyone knows this but crooks never shut up. SHUT UP!
Today is my 51st birthday. I share this exciting date with Amelia Earhart, my hero and Jennifer Lopez my look-a-like.
With the recent shooting in Colorado I needed laugher. I hope you were able to laugh with me. My thoughts and prayers go to all the first responders and their families and everyone affected by this senseless tragedy.