Dog Biscuits and Cu**s
I’m working on the next Bad Luck book but I thought I would take a short break and write a blog post. This goes along with my last post’s theme but it’s the antonym (I like to use complicated words when I’m in a writing mood).
I had quite a few reasons to smile this week and just the simple joy of the changing seasons is one of them. The temperature dropped suddenly and 90 turned into 60. The trees are just beginning to change color and the next month will be beautiful.
Okay, enough with the soppy crap 🙂
I spent the week finishing up an investigation on a serious felony case and I typed the report which meant listening to twelve hours of suspect interviews. It’s a long monotonous chore but I put my headphones on and persevered.
Usually when I have my ears covered I’m left alone because I tend to be quite grumpy if disturbed.
Even so, there were no officers available so I was called out of my cave and asked to take a walk-in report.
I ground my teeth and went into the lobby.
Me: I’m detective Ivy, how may I help you?
Ditz: My dog was stolen.
Me: Where was it last seen?
Ditz: He gets a dog treat every day from the ladies at the title company and then he goes to the Dollar Store and they give him a treat too.
Me: What makes you think your dog was stolen?
Ditz: He always comes when I call him and he didn’t come this morning.
Me: Please give me a description.
Ditz: He’s a black Lab and he cost $500.
Me: Was he wearing a collar?
Ditz: No, he doesn’t like collars.
Me: His name.
Ditz: Kitty Kitty (I didn’t bat an eye)
Me: Okay, I’ll notify animal control that your dog is missing and see if he’s been placed in the pound. We have a leash law and it will be $30.00 to get him out if he’s there.
Ditz: You didn’t even ask what color he was.
Me: You said he was a black Lab.
Ditz: There are other colors of Labs.
Me: Not black ones.
Ditz: There are golden and chocolate too.
Me: Yes, but we don’t call them black Labs.
Ditz: Is there a supervisor available?
Me: Yes and I’m it.
Ditz: Well, is there a complaint form I can fill out. I don’t like your attitude.
Me: Yes, let me get that for you.
I walked back to my office and buzzed the secretary on her phone. “Please take Ms. Ditz an officer complaint form. If she asks to speak with me again, be warned; she will not leave the station alive.
Later in the day all the guys were laughing about the black Lab complaint against me. It was funnier as time went on and I laughed with them.
I live about a mile from work and on my drive home I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw a black, let me make that perfectly clear BLACK, Labrador walking along the road. I pulled over and called, “Here Kitty Kitty.” He jumped right over my lap and we took a ride to the kennels. I gave him a few treats and then booked him in. The nice me would have driven him directly to his owner’s house but the stubborn spiteful me did not. Sometimes life is wonderful.
This next delightful story happened today (my day off) when I took a break from writing and checked my Twitter account.
Jason McDonnell is a cop friend from Ireland and we tend to have fun Twitter conversations. His wife joins in occasionally and keeps him in line but today she wasn’t around. Here’s our conversation…(#FF is Follow Friday and a big Twitter thing)
Suzie: @jmcd432 Only you would use the “C” word in a tweet with my name. Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?
Jason: @SuzieIvy sorry wasn’t thinking It’s an Irish thing Sooo sorry
Suzie: @jmcd432 Too funny, I’m still laughing please don’t be sorry!
Jason: @SuzieIvy yaaaaay Lol It’s one word us LEO’s over here use to describe a heinous person who perpetrates a crime
Suzie: @jmcd432 A drunk called me that word over and over the other day. I didn’t consider he might be Irish 🙂
Jason: @SuzieIvy drunk and using that word Quite possible 😉
Isn’t my job wonderful? I learn something new every day. At the first opportunity I’m calling my next dirty rotten suspect a cunt.