Home > Stories From Small Town > Look Into My Eyes

Look Into My Eyes

With the tragedies in Boston and West Texas, I felt the need to write something on the lighter side and step away from the turmoil overwhelming me. I’m sharing my smiling moment of the week to see if my humor is contagious.

Cop magazines inundate the Small Town Police Department every month. I usually have one or two sitting on my desk and I peruse them while waiting on the phone or eating lunch at my desk.

These journals include American Police Beat, Law Officer, LET (Law Enforcement Technology), and American Cop but there are many more. The majority of the magazines sit around the squad room taking up space, cause a mess, and get in our way. My fellow officers (the guys) ooh and awe over the latest police gear, ultra-cool Taser resistant gloves, the hot new police cruisers with all the bells and whistles that our small agency can’t afford, and every tactical gadget on the market.

Flipping through the pages of one of these magazines this week, I came across an advertisement for a new police flashlight. The pictures are the first thing that caught my attention. I started reading the ad and began laughing until tears slipped down my face.

If you’ve been pulled over at night, and had an officer point a flashlight in your eyes you’ll cringe at the pictures below. Looking for your driver’s license and registration, under these circumstances is almost impossible. But, for officers, these flashlights save our lives and many times during my stint at the police academy, I was on the receiving end of their use during practice scenarios. Hours later, when I went to bed, spots remained in my eyes. I know someone out there is screaming about the damage to eyesight but I can’t imagine pepper spray in the eyes is any less harmful and I suffered that too.

This brings me to the ad—“Lumen Face” the latest and greatest Streamlight rechargeable flashlight. I own two of their older models in two sizes and though I’ve tried other brands, Streamlight is my favorite. I finished laughing, read the remainder of the magazine, and then carried it back to the squad room. An hour later I found myself chuckling again, and retrieved the magazine to cut out the ad for my wall.

Some people may not have my twisted sense of humor and if so I hope you’re absolutely horrified (please). I absolutely must get this new light, the Lumen Face +500 lumens. When I arrest someone and get a Lumen Face booking photo, I will share it with you. Seriously their advertising states, “They’ll still be squinting after they’re booked.” Now I just need $150.00 to purchase it.

Lumen Face I want you!

“Lumen Face” I want you!

  1. bjjs2022
    April 24, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    We share the same humor because that is hilarious!

    • April 24, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      You must get your incredible sense of humor from your matriarchal side 🙂

  2. April 24, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Funny. Very funny. You know we sometimes pop on the light just for kicks?
    Great re-centering article post-Boston.
    True Blue,

  3. lulu
    April 24, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    I laughed out loud. I got a new camera and my family shots have been looking like this. The flash is so powerful that it blinds them. I finally found a way to turn it down – but meanwhile I treasure the pics in a sick and twisted way. Imagine having a flashlight that produces such results. Start saving!

    • April 25, 2013 at 6:35 am

      I’m on it. I’m like a little kid waiting for Christmas.

  4. April 25, 2013 at 4:21 am

    Yep. Twisted here, too. Bahahahaha!

    • April 25, 2013 at 6:36 am

      It’s that law enforcement background that never leaves 🙂

  5. April 25, 2013 at 4:37 am

    My favourite Surefire has a switch which sets it to flash i rapid pulses. Very disorienting. As for police humour, it is generally black and a reaction to much of the environment where we spend our duty time

    • April 25, 2013 at 6:44 am

      One of my Streamlights has a rapid pulse flash button. I’m always afraid I’ll have a seizure if I use it. Their’s so much gruesome humor around the office and I was told early on that cops use it to relieve stress and I’ve learned how true those words are.

  6. April 25, 2013 at 5:23 am

    I love your twisted sense of humor! I can’t imagine doing what you do & not being able to find the humor in some of it. And this is a definite “upper” in the midst of a week filled with bad news. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • April 25, 2013 at 6:46 am

      Thank you Denise, I’ve been in the glums all week so I may have over laughed with this ad but it was so needed.

  7. April 25, 2013 at 5:51 am

    Twisted humor, not me. I’m a sucker for those video compilation of people falling.

    • April 25, 2013 at 6:48 am

      I would love to model for this ad. We tease about getting booking photos of each of us to hang in the squad room but no Chief has ever given the okay. Darn 🙂

      • April 25, 2013 at 7:39 am

        I bet you all would make an impressive line up. 😀

  8. April 25, 2013 at 9:33 am

    I don’t even know whether or not to like this. LOL Glad I don’t have your job. I know that the flashlights save lives, but sheesh for the innocent that have to endure it. Glad I don’t do much night driving or anything that should get me pulled over. sighs…

    • April 25, 2013 at 10:28 am

      Thank you Dani for your honesty. If you do get pulled over, I hope an older model is used though seriously it’s still hard to see. Being on the outside looking into a car and not know if guns, or other weapons are within reach is scary for officers. But I don’t disregard the fright to civilians who have done no more than speed or run a stop sign.

  9. April 26, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    That is some CREATIVE advertising. I think the slogan made me laugh the most, though it just wouldn’t have been the same without the photos. I love that you cut it out and put it near your desk! You succeeded in making me laugh.

    • April 26, 2013 at 8:00 pm

      Well lady, you need to be laughing more then. We’ve got to catch up on life and laugh together. I have good news about the young lady we helped the day you went on the ride-a-long. She’s doing wonderful and living in the next town over. Drug and alcohol free for months now 🙂

  10. Donna
    May 4, 2013 at 6:56 am

    Before reading this I looked at the pictures and thought it must be an advertisement for some crazy product. That the pictures are real cracks me up! So glad you shared these with us.

    • May 4, 2013 at 7:09 am

      Yes, they were funny as hell but I think they used models or probably co-workers for the company. I would totally pose for this 🙂

      • Donna
        May 4, 2013 at 7:26 am

        Good grief. Can you tell my brain isn’t at 100% capacity this Saturday morning? I went back to read to last part of post again again – hope this isn’t a sign of how my day is going to go! ha!

        Getting hacked can be maddening. I’d be angry as well. Hopefully you can get it taken care of pretty quickly.

      • May 4, 2013 at 7:39 am

        You are too funny and gave me a laugh when I needed it most. THANK YOU, you wonderful woman!

        There must always be a bright side to everything and though it’s killing me that all my friends received spam email from me, I sent my first Bad Luck manuscript to 200 agents and was rejected over and over. They all received the same spam and I can’t help but laughing about it. I guess it’s my evil side -:)

      • Donna
        May 4, 2013 at 8:02 am

        Serves ’em right! ha!

  11. Donna
    May 4, 2013 at 7:01 am

    Got an e-mail from you that I don’t think really came from you – didn’t want to send you an email in case your account has been hacked.

    • May 4, 2013 at 7:11 am

      Thank you Donna, the great and powerful Suzie Ivy got her email hacked. I’m so angry I’m chewing up bullets and spitting them out. I know this can happen to anyone but gosh, ME? Seriously I try to be so cyber safe.

  12. May 9, 2013 at 4:16 am

    Ha! This is really not a good look. Good thing it has never happened to me!

    • May 20, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      “Good thing it has never happened to me!” That’s what they all say!

  13. May 17, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Poor dear jailed folk! That looks painful. I would not enjoy the bright light. Thanks for your humor here. We can never get enough laughs.

  14. June 13, 2013 at 12:47 am

    Yep. Twisted here, too. Bahahahaha

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